I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
