I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
