Yo dont text me then not text me
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
