I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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