HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
