you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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