you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
