420 ftw
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize