after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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