Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It was confusing and full of hummus
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
