There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
