My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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