This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
