Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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