Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
