the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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