My brain says no but my pants say off.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
