Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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