Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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