In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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