also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
