Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
