so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
