Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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