Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
