Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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