When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize