This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
In America we eat man semen.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
