last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
