Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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