how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
