i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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