i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
