I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
