there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Randomize