Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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