You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
