i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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