I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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