My hand turned me down
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
