just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
