So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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