You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
