another moral hangover. fuck.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
