Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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