I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
