It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
