is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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