do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
