You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
