Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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