wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize