If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
