i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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