i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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