I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
