Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
