The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
