i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize