Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
