i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
