franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
