I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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