just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
