Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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