I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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