"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
