there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize